Good morning Sunshine,

You were my light and my life. And I’m so mad. Why aren’t you here? 

Why did you leave?

Why am I sitting here dating?

Do you know what dating looks like right now?

Do you know what it’s like to explain being widowed at 29?

Fuck, I’m mad. 

You didn’t prepare anything incase of something bad. You were the ultimate optimist. Which was great, until it wasn’t. You believed your family would take care of things. They didn’t. You believed your family would take care of me. They didn’t. 

Why did you leave me?

I went on a date and wanted to hate it. Instead I fell head over heals for this man. I didn’t want to. I wanted to hate the time. I wanted to hate him. I couldn’t. He is smart and realistic and kind. He was caring and didn’t run when I told him about you. He’s emotionally not there, though. He had his heart broke in another way. He didn’t want me to “not see what was out there”. He was right. Who starts dating and falls for the first person they go out with? 

You and me. But I guess that’s not how it’s supposed to be. 

So I went on a date with someone else. Now I’m sitting here trying to figure out what I’ve done. They’re both such great men for such different reasons. They are 180 degrees from each other. 

They both do things that remind me of you. They both suggest doing things we used to do or had planned to do. 

I’m trying to find a way to move forward with you. Not on from you. 

I love you. But also fuck the fact that you had to leave me. The world, my world, misses you.